


Masks off

by no_nutcracker



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Many secrets revealed, light depictions of violence, more like mentions of it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:42:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29113236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/no_nutcracker/pseuds/no_nutcracker
Summary: Somewhere early in S5, Arthur and the knights get trapped in a cave with a sorcerer who wishes for them to know each other 'down to the very soul'.
Relationships: Knights of the Round Table & Knights of the Round Table (Merlin), mentions of other relationships - Relationship
Comments: 72
Kudos: 200





	1. Elyan

**Author's Note:**

> Merlin is left outside the cave, as he was finishing to tie his and Arthur's horses' reins to trees before he could join them inside.  
> It does not mean he does not play a part in this. Poor baby does.

'What is the meaning of this?,' Arthur demands as he steps forward to meet the sorcerer.

He and the knights had heard about a cave that his people would enter only to leave it in screams or in turmoil, so they had gone to inspect it. Arthur had not expected the walls to be glowing a faint grey light. But he should have known it would reveal a magic user inside its walls.

'This cave,' the man reveals,' is enchanted.'

'Of course it is,' Gwaine mumbles.

'It allows anyone that enters their walls to bare their most hidden secrets.'

Next to Leon, Mordred shudders. The older knight turns to his young fellow and sends him a reassuring glance. Said-glance is lost on Mordred as the knight is avoiding his gaze, his focus resting solely on the sorcerer.

'What you have hidden,' the sorcerer continues meeting each of their eyes with intent, 'or what has been hidden from you will be uncovered.'

'Yes, no, sorry. Not doing it.' Gwaine turns around and goes to leave. Only to find that the path they have walked has disappeared. 'What.'

The knights, who until now had only kept a hand on their swords in wariness, pull their sword out of of their scabbard to point them at the sorcerer.

The man stays unafraid and keeps on watching them with quiet assurance. 

'Let us leave,' Percival quietly orders.

'I can not,' the sorcerer replies calmly. 'I do not have the power. It is not my will that brought you here, nor it is keeping you here.'

Arthur is as skeptic as the rest of them but questions the man anyway. 'Then what must we do to find our way out?'

The cave is a small rounded one that no longer shows any passage out. If they do not leave soon, the knights will run out of air and be buried alive.

'You must simply watch. Once all has been revealed, the cave will let you free.'

And once those cryptic words have been released, the sorcerer vanishes, leaving the knights alone.

*

The rounded walls's light soflty brigthens until the light becomes so pure and intense that they have to close their eyes less they be blinded.

Someone giggles. 

One of them gasps.

The light slowly fades and they open their eyes. The walls have become translucent and are showing them the interior of a small home. It is like they have disappeared and been brought to a new place, except they have not moved as the cave's walls are still faintly visible behind the small home's walls. 

And inside its walls is a young woman kneeling by a chimney.

'But. That's.' Leon stammers. 

'Guenevere's home,' Arthur completes, recognising the warm childhood home of his wife.

Elyan shakes his head. 'My mother,' he corrects breathlessly.

As one, the knights turn to face their companion. Elyan has gone sickly pale and sweat is falling from his brow. He is staring at the walls depicting his deceased mother with horror.

Leon approaches Elyan, seems to hesitate, then puts a hand on his friend's shoulder. That's right, Arthur remembers. Elyan and Guenevere's mother used to work in Leon's household. 

Arthur feels rage coursing through him. How dare that sorcerer use his knigth's deceased mother -his own mother-in-law- 's image for whatever nefarious deeds he has inmind? It is not only despicable it is cruel.

Elyan's mother continues to giggle. 

They turn to watch her, with mixed feelings of discomfort at the blatant voyeurism and sick with worry at what the rest of the 'big reveals' will show them.

Elyan's mother keeps on staring in the fire intently and giggling to something only she could know.

Arthur, who has never known the details of her death as Guenevere always avoided the subject, wonders if his mother-in-law died because of a sickness to the brain. He sees no other reason why she would be giggling alone while watching wood burn.

'She is holding something,' Percival makes them notice.

It is true, the woman is caressing a small rounded object in her hands. 

'What is it?,' Gwaine asks. 'I can't see.'

'It's nothing,' Elyan hisses.

It startles them, as Elyan is not known to react harshly to anything. The man is actually very kind and down to earth, even if he will never be the last to fall into Gwaine and Percival's mischievous schemes.

Elyan does not look kind nor peaceful. He is looking at the image of his mother with abhorrence.

Arthur can not blame him. He knows all too well what it feels like, to have a magic-user twist the image of your parent for their own gain. Thankfully, Merlin had been here to stop him from making something rash. His thoughts are interrupted by Mordred's loud gasp. The rest of them follow his gaze back to the walls, curious despite themselves. 

'Damn,' Gwaine comments.

Nothing has changed. Except for the woman's eyes. Which are glowing of the fiery amber colour all sorcerers do when they do magic.

'What,' Leon stammers. 'But. That's. Not possible.' He turns to Elyan then to Arthur. 'My lord, you must not believe that. I assure you that none of it is true. It's-'

'Mother?,' they hear a high voice pitch.

Their attention is pulled back towards Elyan's mother. Her eyes have stopped glowing and she has turned her attention to a small figure that is standing a few feet away from her. 

A small boyish figure that they identify as a child Elyan.

'What are you doing?,' the little boy asks, his gaze jumping from his mother to the fire and back.

The woman smiles with mirth. 'Nothing, little love,' she answers with cheer. 'Return to bed.'

Little Elyan stands still, staring at her with too much seriousness for one so young. 'It didn't look like nothing.' He bites on his lower lip before saying in a lower tone: 'it looked like magic.'

The woman does not flinch. Her smile turns serene. 'It was not.' Little Elyan frowns. 'Do you want to know a secret, little love?' The child goes back to bite his lip before nodding hesitantly. 'I was asking for the gods to bless us. So no harm can befall you, or your sister, or your father and I.'

Elyan's frown deepens. 'I will keep Gwenie safe.'

His mother's eyes go soft and she grins fondly at him. 'I have no doubt. But having the gods' blessing does not hurt.'

'Leon's father says people with glowing eyes are magic and hurt people. And that anyone being caught with magic is to be punished.'

His mother's smiles trembles. She turns back to look at ther fire. 'It is because Leon's father has forgotten all the good magic can do. Lots of people have.'

'Magic is evil,' the child says loudly. 

His mother startles, as if stricken by the words and the vehemence they were spitted with. She looks at her son and the pain in her eyes is so keen it pierces each of them.

'Yes,' she murmurs. 'It is what the king has been repeating. I hope one day you will come to see the truth.'

*

The home and it's inhabitants vanish but the walls keeps a faint glow until another scene takes it place. An older Elyan has taken the place of his child self. He is looking at his sister crying in their father's arms, both kneeling before a bed. On the bed lays Elyan's mother.

'She did not suffer,' they hear a slightly younger Gaius say behind Elyan. 'The fever took her in her sleep.'

The scene fades again and leaves place to the lower town at night. They see a veiled Elyan staring at his home one last time before he turns his back and leaves.

*

They stay silent, not knowing what to say.

Arthur notices Mordred looking dazzedly at the walls. He feels the urge to go to his youngest knight and -what? Comfort him? Mordred is not the one Arthur should go to, Elyan is. Elyan who just saw his mother after more than a decade of her being dead. Elyan who is his knights and his brother-in-law. Elyan who must be crushed.

'I was relieved.'

Arthur expels a breath he had not realised he had been holding before turning to face his friend. His brother-in-arms and in-law. 

Elyan keeps on staring at the glistening walls despondently.

Leon still has a hand on his left shoulder, even if he keeps on looking at the walls with a lost gaze on his face. He stays strong by his friend's side.

'What do you mean?,' Gwaine asks, for once quiet and not exuberant.

'When she died.' Elyan bites on his lower lip, a gesture Arthur recognises as a sign of nervousness. Something he has never seen his friend do before today. 'I was relieved. Because it meant she would no longer perform the craft and risk our lives. Risk Gwen's. I was angry at her for daily threatening our safety with foolish spells and enchantments, for bringing evil in our home. And then she died. Not from the pyre but from natural causes.' His lips lift upward in a grim smile. 'It is ironic. My father was condemned for sorcery when he did not have an ounce of magic and my mother, who was a sorceress, died naturally.'

'Elyan,' Leon whispers.

'I loved her,' he continues, his voice breaking in the middle. 'And I hated her. It is why I could not stay after she died. I could not stay and watch my father and sister grieve for her when I was as relieved as I was sad.'

'You were ashamed,' Gwaine resumes.

Elyan presses his hold on his sword. He keeps on avoiding their stare. 'Would not you?' 

None of them answer.

Arthur gazes away, his throat tight.

'Gwen does not know,' Elyan continues.

And gods, he will have to tell her, won't he? Arthur does not keep secrets from Guenevere. Except that it should be Elyan who ought to tell her. She is his sister. It is about their mother. Someone that Arthur had never met and who would probably be ashamed of calling him her son-in-law were she still alive. It should be Elyan.

But how could Elyan tell his sister that he was relieved when their beloved mother met her end?

'I could not tell her. I traveled instead, far from Camelot. And the farthest I went, the more I discovered that magic was not as hated as it is in Camelot. Some use it for good. Some others don't.' 

The statement startles him, although it seems he is the only one. Gwaine and Percival are nodding in unison, Mordred is still staring blankly at the walls, while Leon stays unmovable.

Elyan's gaze is still fixed on the place his mother had stood kneeling and performing magic. 'I guess she was right. I have seen the truth. But it had done nothing to change what I felt for her.'

They keep quiet and Arthur hopes Elyan knows it is not in silent judgement but as a quiet comfort for his grief.

'It does not change what I did or what I felt.'

'She knew you loved her,' Percival voices.

Elyan shakes his head. 'You can't know that.'

'I can,' the taller knight assures. 'Parents know those things.'

Arthur does not have time to question him on that statement, nor to offer his own comfort to Elyan. The cave's wall soft light brighten again until it blinds them.


	2. Leon

Arthur recognises the reddish hair of Leon's as the child version of his oldest friend runs accross Camelot's courtyard.

He recognises as well the little girl child-Leon runs into.

Morgana and Leon crash to the ground in a mess of limbs and skirts. 

'I'm sorry,' the boy is saying. 'I'm so sorry. I was not looking.'

The girl -and she looks so young, the encounter must have happened mere weeks after she first came to leave with Uther and he at eleven- pushes the rising boy back to the ground, her pretty face disfigured by rage.

Yes, it was mere weeks after Gorlois died. Arthur is certain. He remembers Morgana was a tight ball of rage at the time. Nobody was allowed to approach her, unless they did not fear being ripped apart.

That all changed after father appointed Guenevere as her maid.

Little Morgana rises and glares fiercely at a red-faced Leon. 'I hope you were not looking. Otherwise it is nothing but insulting.'

'I-I am...'

'Yes, I get it,' Morgana cuts him, seething. 'You're sorry,' she repeats, taunting him almost cruelly.

Leon's face is getting redder by the seconds. He looks about ready to cry from shame.

Morgana has no pity. Her glare intensifies. 'If you really are that sorry you will stay out of my way.'

Morgana turns abruptly, making her dresses twirl violently, and leaves.

Child Leon is left sitting on the ground with wet eyes and a hand on his heart.

 _Oh Leon_ , he thinks. 'Tell me you did not,' he says.

His friend stays conspicuously silent.

*

Leon, about two or so years older, is standing near the training grounds with fellow squires. Unlike the other squires, Leon is not looking and waiting on the knight is his assigned to. No, Leon is staring at an older Morgana, who is busing giggling behind her hand at a younger Guenevere's antics.

A squire notices and laughs. 'Someone is in love,' said squires bellows loudly.

Leon widens his eyes and his cheeks redden. The other squires and some of the knights turn his direction. Leon avoids their gaze. 

Young Morgana tilts her head his way, deep in laughter, and catches him gazing at her. 

She stops laughing and pursues her lips.

Leon swallows heavily.

Young Morgana turns her back on him.

'Huh,' Gwaines breathes out.

It is better than any mocking comment he would surely have made if the girl had been anyone but Morgana.

*

A Leon who can not be older than eighteen is standing in the middle of a corridor, facing a closed door. He is twisting a lone flower in his hand -and damn it if it does not remind Arthur of Merlin holding a bouquet of pink and white flowers years ago- and staring at the door with anxiety.

'You're a knight,' he admonishes himself. 'Be brave.'

Young Leon raises a fist and knocks on the door.

It opens after a few beats of silence. A smiling Guenevere opens it. Her eyes widen in mirth at the sight of the knight.

'Leon!,' she exclaims. 'What are you doing here?'

'Gwen,' Leon says in relief. 'Humm.' He extends the flower towards her. 'I came to offer this to Lady Morgana. Is she here?'

Guenevere's smile turns into a grimace, although she obviously tries to keep her cheer. 'My lady? Is she... here?'

'Yes,' Leon answers. '...is she?,' he asks, hopeful.

Guenevere bites her lower lip, a gesture Arthur recognises and can now identify as something both the siblings do when nervous and/or embarrassed. 

'If you'll wait a minute.' She closes the door before Leon can answer.

Leon is left facing the door again, staring despondently at it.

Around him, everyone keeps silent. Arthur guesses none of them are ready to even look at Leon. Arthur feels guilty about it. Just because his friend used to have feelings for his sister does not mean he still does. After all, Guenevere and he keep fond feelings of Morgana, rather who she _used to be_. And that's nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, Merlin used to have a crush on Morgana and Arthur is not angry at him for it. He was not even upset at the time, only worried the servant would get caught and be punished by the King for trying to 'despoil' his ward.

Leon must have known he could confide in him about it, right?

The door opens on an apologetic Guenevere. 'I am sorry, Leon. Lady Morgana is feeling under the weather today and can not receive anyone.'

Leon valiantly tries to smile. It is obvious he is failing to contain his deception. 'It is alright, Gwen,' he assures anyway. 'I understand. Could you give her my best wishes?' Guenevere nods with solicitude. 'And, here. Give her this,' Leon adds as he offers the flower. 'It is a lily. It means-'

'I know what it means,' Guenevere says. She looks at Leon with sympathy. 'I will tell her.'

Leon nods.

Guenevere closes the door.

Leon is left to stare at it.

'First love,' Gwaine (tries to) laughs it off. Everyone looks awkwardly at him. Gwaine himself looks awkward. 'Mine was tough as well.'

Leon avoids his gaze. 

'There are many women to love out there, Leon.'

'Gwaine,' Percival says quietly while Leon presses his lips.

'And men, if you prefer,' Gwaine continues, finding back energy to continue his soliloquy. 'I know many women and men who would like nothing more than to be courted by Sir Leon.'

'Gwaine,' Elyan says in unison with Percival.

It is like watching one of his men being about to get slayed by an enemy. It all happens in slow motion and yet Arthur can not do anything to stop it.

Leon continues to avoid their gaze. He stands rigidly away from them, his fists white and closed tightly at his sides.

Arthur catches Mordred's uncertain gaze. His youngest knight looks as out of his depths as he.

Arthur turns back to stare at the cave's walls. Young Leon is still standing at his sister's door, lost in despair and heartbreak. Just like his older, more guarded, counterpart.

'Just say a name,' Gwaine continues, getting a bit desperate himself if the tone of his voice is anything to go by, 'and I'll help.'

He wishes Merlin where here. Merlin would know what to do.

'We all will.'

The cave goes dark, surprising them, before it glistens again. And shows Morgana's room.

It looks like it does now: empty of life, dark and dusty. Arthur condemned this room after the second takeover of his sister. No one has gone back inside since.

Or so he thought. Because there, on Morgana's dresser, are lying several flowers. Each of them look as fresh and colourful as the first day they were cut.

'You've been sneaking flowers to her room all these years?,' he asks, feeling numb.

Leon tightens his lips. 

'I am not judging, Leon. I am only asking. From friend to friend. And if you do not want to answer then I won't judge either. I only want to understand.'

Leon looks up from the ground. His eyes are red but no trace of tears are visible on his face. 'Yes, I have.'

 _Alright_ , he thinks. 'Alright,' he voices. And it is all he says because he does not know what else to offer.

Arthur really wishes Merlin were here. He would have known what to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *white lilies symbolise purity, commitment and rebirth. obviously, leon is taking the 'rebirth' meaning out. his gesture symbolises the purity of his feelings as well as his devotion.  
> *the flowers that can be find on the dresser are no white lilies. they are:  
> -marigolds which can mean grief and despair  
> -forget-me-not for true love and fidelity  
> -striped carnations which stand for 'love that can not be shared' 
> 
> *I understand that Morgana's reaction seems OOC. The Morgana of S1/S2 would have let down Leon gently if she did not share his feelings instead of treating him with scorn and disdain. Except that young Morgana met Leon in a moment of profound grief and -when he knocked her to the ground, no matter that it was a mistake and that he sincerely apologized- she felt like he and everything else was against her. Her beloved father had just died and she could never show her anger at the King for being responsible -because he was the King and would probably exile her out of his home if she dared to- nor at Arthur because he was the only one of her age who was not afraid of approaching her -being the King's son and all-, so she associated Leon with all the rage and hurt she felt at the time and made him her scapegoat.  
> She grew up and realized that Leon has no reason to bear the brunt of her anger but (by the time he comes at her door at seventeen/eighteen) she thinks it a waste of her time to play nice and try to get to know him. She could never watch Leon as anything but an acquaintance, not after all the time she spent hating him.
> 
> Then canon events happen.


	3. Gwaine

Gwaine exhales loudly in the following silence. 'I can't stay here,' he bellows, no longer trying to look jovial. Actually, looking at him glancing at the glimmering walls frantically, Arthur would say that his knight is looking anxious. 'I refuse to stay here.'

'You heard the sorcerer, Gwaine,' Elyan tiredly says, looking drained after his own secret reveal. 'We can not leave until all of our secrets are been revealed.'

'Look, I'm good for a little game of truths but this is not a friendly game around a campfire. This is just messing with our heads and forcing us to,' he struggles at a loss for words, ' _bare_ ourselves.'

'Usually you're the first one to get your clothes off,' Leon says blankly from his spot.

His face is impassive and turned towards the ground. His behaviour is really starting to worry Arthur.

'Not like that,' Gwaine snaps.

Arthur rubs his face. 'The sorcerer is gone and I see no way out. There is nothing to do but wait, Gwaine. Which unfortunately means you'll get the same treatment as us.'

'And Merlin?' his knight presses. He points to the wall that did not use to be a wall but a path leading out of the cave. 'Did you think of Merlin? What do you think is happening to him?'

Arthur goes rigid and alert. 'Nothing is going to happen to Merlin,' he hisses, desperately hoping for his words to be true.

Merlin _has_ to be alright. Arthur will accept nothing else.

Gwaine's lips curl in disgust. ' **My friend** is alone, in the middle of the woods, weaponless, while we stay trapped here. Anything could happen to him. Maybe something already did. The sorcerer. Bandits. A stray arrow. Anything!'

'Merlin is fine,' Mordred cuts in.

Their head whip around to face him, even Leon's who seem to have finally woken up from his brooding thanks to Gwaine's agitation.

'What do you mean?'

Mordred looks uncertain under their combined attention. 'Just that. I don't know,' his youngest knight shrugs uneasily and avoids their gaze. 'I just have a feeling. You know. That Merlin is alright.'

Arthur does not have the time to mull over this, not with Gwaine staring thoughtfully at Mordred and saying: 'Merlin gets feelings as well.' Arthur frowns confusedly at the reminder. Gwaine glances at him before turning back to Mordred. 'Arthur calls them 'funny feelings' and does not take them seriously.' Mordred goes red from embarrassment at his words. 'But Merlin always happen to be right.'

Gwaine rolls his shoulders, shaking the tension off his body, and visibly tries to relax. 'If you're saying he is alright, then I believe you.'

Arthur does not get the time to answer to that, nor to question Mordred's own funny feeling. None of them do. The cave's wall soft light brighten again until it blinds them -and alright, Arthur gets the gist- to reveal a new secret.

*

A young brown haired boy is swinging a wooden sword in the middle of a courtyard. A man is standing a few feet from him, staring at him with an indulgent smile on his face.

The boy swings his sword with ease, almost dancing with it like one would a partner.

The man applauses. The boy stops. He approaches him and stands down to his level. 'That was good, little lord.'

'Really?,' the child asks with exuberance.

The man laughs uproariously. His laugh reminds Arthur of someone. 'Really.' He puts a hand on his trainee's shoulder and smiles proudly. 'And one day you will be a knight to the king, just like your father, and make him just as proud.'

*

A door clacks and a blond lithe noblewoman -or so Arthur assumes by the dress she is wearing- enters a room. The lady has bags under her eyes and sunken cheeks. She seems frail and the dress she is wearing is almost in rags.

The room she has entered does not fare well either.

'The king won't help us,' she announces loudly.

Then she crumples to the ground and sobs.

Arthur's heart pinches and he feels -not for the first time today- angry on someone else's behalf. He dearly hopes his father is not responsible for that poor woman's distress but, considering his father's deeds (and his fault in Elyan's and Guenevere's parental loss), he is not too hopeful.

He wonders which of his knights is concerned because that woman is not Leon's mother. Would it mean one of them lied about their parentage?

A young woman, just as blond as the noblelady, most likely her daughter if not her niece, races to her. She kneels at her side and take her in her arms. 'What do you mean he won't help us? He is the king, he has to help.'

Her mother shakes her head. 'He is the king,' she repeats weakly. 'Which means he does not have to do anything if he does not want to.'

'But father said the king must provide for each of his knights and their family.'

'Your father is dead,' the noble lady declares, almost spiting the words. She stares at her daughter fiercely. 'He is dead. And as such he left us with nothing. Our pride is in tatters. As is our home. And soon we will be expulsed from our home and left on the streets, begging for food.'

Her daughter full-body flinches. She stares back at her, then sags and lets her head fall.

A door closes and their view of the two women fades.

*

The same young blond woman is standing on the doorstep of a chamber, anxiously wringing her hands. 'You can't leave. What will mother think?'

The person she is adressing stops from packing a bag to face her. Arthur is astonished to recognise him. He may be about fifteen years younger with cheeks still baby-fat, short cut hair and thinner, but the boy is undoubtedly Gwaine.

'You're a noble?,' he hears Leon exclaim loudly behind him. 'What did not you say so?'

'What did not you tell us about your love for Morgana?,' Gwaine replies sarcastically.

'This is not the same,' Leon says more quietly. Arthur can not see his face, his eyes are still transfixed on the young Gwaine on the walls, but he understands his friend's disquiet all too well.

'It's kind of is. You are ashamed of your love for her and I'm ashamed of my parentage.'

'Why would you be ashamed?,' Percival asks calmly.

'I am doing this for mother,' young Gwaine answers his sister (?) before adult Gwaine can answer them. 'And for you, as well as Laurie. It will make less mouths to feed.'

Gwaine's sister approaches him. She extends her arms to embrace him but young Gwaine steps back from her. She winces at the obvious rejection and looks away from him. 'The king will help us,' she murmurs weakly.

Young Gwaine _and_ older Gwaine scoff. 'The king won't. I heard mother. I know he rejected her plea.'

His sister violently shakes her head, making her blond ringlets fly and threaten to hit Gwaine's face. 'He will come to his senses.'

'He won't,' young Gwaine repeats stonily.

His sisters' eyes get wet. Arthur can no longer look at them. 

'Is this why you never told us?,' he asks while staring at a point on his right, neither looking at Gwaine nor at his past self. 'Because you thought you would be rejected in Camelot as well?' Arthur frowns, hit by a sudden thought: 'You were not from Camelot. Right? I assumed I would remember you.'

'No,' Gwaine is steadfast in his retort. 'I am from Caerlon.' It brings Arthur some relief. 'But it is not why I did not say anything.'

'Then why?'

Once again, Gwaine's reply is interrupted by his past self's conversation with his sister. 'You should gather all of our belongings, sold them out the highest bider and buy some cottage in a more hospitable place. Maybe a farm so you can grow you own food and be dependent on no one.'

'This is ridiculous,' his sister yells in a sudden fit of rage, her gracious features turning red and ugly in anger. 'If we really have no choice but to leave our home we should at least do so together. We are a family, Gwaine. We ought to stay together.'

Gwaine stares impassively at her. 'The less mouths to feed, the better,' he repeats his earlier words.

His sister pinches her lips and coils her hands into tight fists. 'You are out of your mind if you think I am going to stand by and let you go without a word.'

Gwaine tilts his head to the side and contemplates her. 'I love you Eliza. But you don't make the decisions for me.'

'I am your oldest sister,' she snaps, her anger back into the tiniest control. 'Which means that I do, indeed, make the decisions.'

'Father was the head of the family,' Gwaine reminds her. 'Now that he is dead, the family is falling apart. If you want to make the decisions, go for it. But remember that Caerleon does not care about women without able husbands to fight for him.' Eliza snarls. Gwaine's eyes soften. 'You should leave before a noble runt comes in and forces you into a marriage. Take mother and Laurie with you and take care of them. Build the family back from its ashes.'

'And you. Where will you go?'

Gwaine gives her a playful smile, one Arthur recognises after seeing it on adult Gwaine countless times. 'Where the wind will send me. I'll take care of myself. I promise.'

His sister seems resigned. 'I don't understand why we can't stay together.'

'...Because Caerlon will come and find me. He'll force me in his ranks and leave me to die the same way he did father. I don't intend to end up like that. I'll be my own man and be in the service of no one.'

*

The next memory takes place in Camelot. Both his servant and his knight are sitting on the floor, countless pairs of boots standing before them waiting to be cleaned.

Seeing Merlin again makes Arthur lighter and calmer, slightly taking his worry off the Merlin that is still outside the magical cave.

'If you admitted your father was a knight,' Merlin is saying, 'you wouldn't have to.'

 _Of course Merlin knows_ , he muses.

'It was your first visit to Camelot,' Arthur comments.

Gwaine keeps silent.

'Maybe,' younger Gwaine retorts. 'But I'm not making the same mistakes that he did. Anyway, my father always treated his servants well.'

Arthur guesses he is talking about him and the chore he punished Merlin and he with for an humongous bill at the tavern. He is not offended by the dig, he remembers well that Gwaine and he barely saw eye to eye at the time. They still argue nowadays.

'You didn't know him,' Merlin predictably defends him.

'Well, I like to think that he did. What about yours?'

Merlin's what?

'No, he didn't have any servants,' Merlin replies, which makes no sense to Arthur. 'He didn't have... well... anyone.'

Who is Merlin talking about?

'When did he die?'

 _Who died??!_ Arthur is at his wits end. This conversation is illogical.

'About a year ago,' his servant answers. 'I just wish that I had the chance to know him better. So much he could've taught me.'

Arthur's gut clenches. 'That does not make any sense,' he voices, feelings quite disturbed by that reveal inside of a reveal.

'But you did get to meet him,' younger Gwaine presses.

'What are you takling about, Sir?'

'Yeah,' younger Merlin replies.

Not-a-knight-yet-Gwaine nods. 'If there's one thing that I learned from my father's life, is that titles don't mean anything. It's what's inside that counts.'

The wall shine and Merlin and younger Gwaine disappear from sight. 

An upset Arthur turns to face his own version of the knight. 'What was he talking about?,' he urges, pointing at the faded scene of the cave's walls.

'...His father,' the man retorts, raising his eyebrows. He crosses his arms. 'What do you think we were talking about?'

'You told Merlin about your parentage after having know him for a few days when you could not tell us even after years?' Elyan's smile is a little forced but at least his brother-in-law is smiling. 'You know what? It does not surprise me. You and Merlin were always closed.'

Gwaine shrugs. 'I don't keep secrets from Merlin.'

'Merlin does not know his father,' he snaps. 

His knights look at him with a mix of wariness, curiousness and confusion. 

Gwaine studies him with keen eyes. 'Of course Merlin knew his father, even if it was for a short time. You just heard him.'

Except that years ago Merlin had said he had never met his father. Arthur had confided in kind and revealed his mother had died before he could lay his eyes on her.

Could Merlin have met him in the years between? If so, why did he never tell Arthur?'

'Merlin's father is dead,' Percival reasons. 'Maybe he simply did not want to talk about it.'

Again, it makes no sense. Merlin is always talking about everything that is happening in his life. Of course he would have told Arthur about finally meeting his father. And he should have also known to come to him when his father met his demise.

Arthur shakes his head. He will talk about it with Merlin later. In the meantime, he choses to talk about another matter. 'You don't keep secrets from Merlin but you'll keep secrets from your king.' 

Gwaine's smile is a mean, taunting one. 'Apparently we all do.' Arthur narrows his eyes. Gwaine shakes his head and huffs. 'Don't take it personally, Princess. Evidently, we all have secrets. Even you. I chose to share mine with Merlin. I'd be surprised if you did not do the same. Who we decide to share them with should be left to us, not to some cursed cave or malicious sorcerers. Are you really going to judge me on this?'

Arthur feels his anger deflate. 'No.' 

In truth, he is more upset about Merlin keeping something from him than of Gwaine doing the same. Yet, Gwaine is right. Merlin and he are entitled to their own secrets. They all are. Arthur has no right on them. 

He admits it would have made things easier if Gwaine had to him about his heritage years ago: Uther would not have rejected his words when those false knights pretended he had attacked them in defense of Merlin. And it would have been easier for him as well when Arthur later decided to knight him despite his father laws.

Arthur guesses it is exactly why Gwaine never said anything. Because, in his words: 'Nobility is defined by what you do, and not by who you are' and Gwaine had proven countless times he is as noble as any of them.

'I am sorry about your father,' he offers.

Gwaine gives a sharp nod. 'It was a long time ago,' he shrugs.

Yes. Just like Elyan concerning his mother's death. It does not mean they don't still feel the loss. However, Arthur won't push his friends on the matter. They will talk when they are ready, if they are ready, with the people they chose to confide in.

 _The same thing applies for Merlin_ , he resolves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that in the show Gwaine says that he never met his father, only rumors. Yet, I don't think Gwaine's father died while he was an infant but later when he was about fourteen/fifteen. I imagined that he was often at war and did not often have the occasion to come back to his family, which is why Gwaine barely knew him.  
> The man in the first scene training Gwaine is not his father nor a member of the family but a fencing master.
> 
> *Eliza is Gwaine older's sister. When we see her she is about nineteen and umarried. It was slightly unsual at the time to be unmaried at this age when you were a noblewoman but Morgana was, as were the three princesses we saw in the show so I thought 'why would she?'
> 
> *Laurie is Eliza and Gwaine's five years old little brother.
> 
> *Yes, I slipped in a little reveal about Merlin. There will be a couple more to shaken Arthur a bit :)
> 
> *Mordred is not talking to Emrys/Merlin through their minds, he just feels him and his magic and he feels that right now Merlin is quite content.


	4. Percival

'Have you talked to your family since you left?'

He does not know long how it has been since the last reveal. It could be ten minutes, it could be two hours. All he knows is that he is about two minutes from imitating Leon and pull at his hair. Which would be a shame because Gwaine loves his hair. So he is very glad that Percival decided to cut the silence they've fallen in since the princess' last words, even if it is about his family.

Gwaine turns to face his friend. He eyes his tall, muscular figure. Notices behind him the lithe and too-small figure of the little bean Mordred, who keeps on alternating between glancing worriedly at the glimmering walls and staring into space. Studies Leon and Elyan who keeps a safe distance from the rest of them but stay close to each other. That is the advantage of keeping your childhood friends, he supposes. No matter what happens, you can only be comfortable with them in adulthood. Last, he glances at the stubbornly straight back of his King. Arthur. Arthur who must be thinking about ten thousands ways to get them out without having them hurt. And of Merlin who, despite Mordred's reassurances, is left alone outside of that stupid cave.

Gwaine does not hold the same doubts that Arthur does. He trusts little bean's words. So he does not worry about Merlin. 

He turns back towards Percival and stops avoiding his question. 'No,' he admits. ''ve not seen them either.' Percival's stone face faces him. No emotion is displayed on it yet Gwaine swears he can feel the man's heavy judgement. Gwaine bristles and crosses his arms. 'I sends them letters. Receives them as well. They are well.'

Percival crosses his own bulging arms. 'How can you be sure if you have never gone back to meet them?'

Gwaine's jaw ticks. 'Listen mate. I know about your family. And I am deeply sorry that you lost them. But it is not the same. Our situations are not the same.'

Percival keeps on staring at him. Gwaine looks back, hoping his words will get through to his friend. Because their situations are **not** the same. 

He opens his mouth to say something -what, he does not know yet- when his attempt gets interrupted by Mordred making a sound and gesturing towards the walls. Gwaine turns to get a better look and keeps from exhaling in relief when he notices the light the cave is emitting is getting brighter. He'll take what he can to avoid this conversation, even if it is another upsetting truth reveal.

*

He hears light hearted laughter first. Childish ones. It is a disturbing change from the heavy reveals they have seen until now, and the accusation Gwaine was facing bare seconds before. Then the light dims and Arthur is finally allowed to take in the scene displayed in front of him.

It is a group of children in peasant's rags. They are playing some game he does not recognise in the middle of a village's square. The place does not look dissimilar from Merlin's village and Arthur wonders briefly if they are not watching a memory of his friend. He dismisses the idea just as quickly. There is no reason for the cave to display a memory of Merlin when the man is not inside with the rest of them.

The children keep on playing, seemingly entranced in their game, until a young blond child huffs and stomps towards them. 

'This game is ridiculous,' she articulates.

Another child, one that he is kneeling and writing some diagram in the dirty ground, raises his head to glare at her. 'If you don't want to play, leave. No one is holding you back.'

The girl blushes, from embarrassment or anger, Arthur does not know. She taps her left foot on the ground. 'I don't,' she spits. She turns to one of the other children and calls to him rather imperiously: 'I think this game is stupid. Come with me, we'll make a better one.'

The little boy looks around him to his comrades. None of them look back. He stares at the blond girl and gives a slow nod. He rises and Arthur is shocked by his tall stature. _Not little_ , he thinks. _Percival_ , he identifies. Percival takes the hand his blond companion extends to him and follows her.

*

'I can't believe it!,' a woman Gaius's age screeches.

Arthur winces at the sound. 

The woman is pointing an accusing finger in an older Percival's face and snarling at him. 'You. You.' She shakes her head violently and huffs frustratingly. 'I can't believe it.'

'What is there to understand? Young love,' a dark haired man explains in a laugh.

The woman scoffs. 'This has nothing to do with love.' She turns towards a grimacing Percival. 'You could not have some decency and at least wait until you were married?!'

and **_wait_**. Is she implying what Arthur is thinking about?

Young Percival lowers his head. 

The old woman -his grandmother?- throws her hands in the air. 'I can't believe it,' she repeats for the third time.

'No need to fret, aunt Gerda. Percy will marry Ariane and make everything proper again.'

Aunt Gerda glares at him. 'Of course he is marrying her!,' she yells. 'I will not allow anyone in this family to have bastards!'

 _Oh gods. She is_.

*

Arthur does not have the time to recover from that reveal. Next thing he knows, he is hit -because there is no other word for it- by the image of Percival holding a tiny baby.

Percival. His knight and friend. Who entertains children whenever they come running to him but has never look at any of them like he does that babe. With the utmost care and adoration and burning **love** Arthur can only hope to feel once Guenevere and he- 

'Percy,' he hears Elyan call quietly.

Arthur has known for years that Percival lost his family to an attack on his village from Cenred. He should not be shook to learn that he lost more than parents and siblings the way he had imagined, but a wife and a child as well. _And yet_.

Arthur is going to be sick.

The Percival that has just become a father - **the only Percival that has a** **child** \- is crying silently. His smile is blinding him.

*

Arthur looks away and misses the following scene. But he refuses to cover his ears, by respect for his friend, and as such he hears all to well the cries of _children_ shouting with exuberance for their father.

(He misses Percival lowering himself to catch a little girl with blond reddish hair in his left arm and offering his right one for a smaller, tottering blond one.)

*

When Arthur finds the courage to look back at those thrice damned walls, he is surprised to find a face he has not see in years.

He hears someone make an aborted sound.

'I am deeply sorry for your loss,' _Lancelot_ is saying to a kneeling Percival.

Arthur blinks. His righteous anger, which was burning hot not a second earlier, is rapidly extinguished. Seeing Lancelot alive again, even if it is as a vivid painting on a wall, is upsetting him. This whole experience is throwing him off.

He is miffed to find himself hungry for Lancelot's features. He is shocked to discover that, no matter what happened between them and Guenevere, he actually missed Lancelot. And he is pained to, once again, not find Merlin at his side. Merlin who never stopped to care for and love Lancelot but will never see him again. 

'I swear to you,' Sir Lancelot continues, oblivious to the distress he is causing years down the line, 'that they will be avenged.'

Arthur frowns confusedly. Then he takes a step back. He had been so shacken to see his former knight alive that he had not looked around him and Percival.

Bodies.

Bodies everywhere.

And blood. And smoke. And ruins instead of the lively homes Arthur had seen earlier.

Percival is kneeling on the ground, his wife's corpse in his arms.

He may be alive but his eyes look as dead as she.

Arthur can only be relieved that those walls keep from showing his friend's children.

*

His head is hurting him. His heart is beating in his throat. He feels... He looks at Percival. Gwaine swallows heavily. There is no use trying to find a word for what he feels. It is nothing compared to what his friend must be feeling, having his grief thrown back in his face.

'I am sorry,' he says nonetheless. Because it has to be said.

Percival and he are not the same. And their situations are not the same. Gwaine thought it better to leave his family for all of their sakes. And it does not mean he does not love them. He does. Percival had his family taken from him. It is not the same. Yet, he can see why his friend would think otherwise. And he can not hold it against him.

'I am **so** sorry.' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ariane and Percival were only friends when they made their baby. Teenagers fooling around, not lovers. Percival would have married her after discovering the pregnancy without his great aunt Gerda's involvement because he cared about Ariane. Like I said: they're friends. Childhood friends. (Percival often thought that he'd end up marrying her anyway because she was the only girl he ever liked and he did not imagine living the rest of his life with Lottie, the baker's daughter, who was always in a mood or Sophia, the village's healer's oldest daughter, who was... ditzy, nor Amalia, the second daughter of their town's healer, who kept on eyeing his married brother Gareth.) They never fell in love with each other but they were close to each other before and having children together made them even closer. He did not have to be in love with her to love her.
> 
> *Percy's girls were named Aurora and Locke.
> 
> *I had great difficulties writing this one so I hope you appreciate it.  
> I'm also sorry for having written it.
> 
> **the story was supposed to be told from everyone's pov but it somehow got stuck with Arthur's pov. I quite like it but I decided to change a bit and write some pieces from Gwaine's pov. The rest will (mostly) be told by Arthur.


	5. Mordred

'My lord, I must ask for your mercy.' 

Arthur frowns and turns to face Mordred. Then valiantly refrains from groaning when sees his face. His youngest knight, who has been nothing but silently supportive since the start of this misadventure, now looks more uncomfortable than ever and failing badly to hide it. And, listen, Arthur has gotten better at expressing his feelings, no matter what Merlin keeps saying, but even he has to admit that better is not perfect. And after everything that's been happening today, he absolutely does not feel up to comfort anyone. He is barely able to _look_ at Percival. 

_Merlin would be so much better suited for this than I._

Yet. He is King and this is _his_ knight. Arthur has to at least give it a try.

'For what reason Mordred?'

Arthur watches as the knight seems to hesitate on continuing, his fists clenched tight at his sides and his eyes darting everywhere but towards him and the other knights. He keeps quiet and waits for Mordred to decide on what his next steps will be.

Finally, his knight throws his shoulders back and announces stonily that: 'as none of us will be able to leave without our deepest secrets being reveal, I would like to go ahead and present to you my apologies and ask for your mercy.'

Arthur eyes him dubiously. Mordred's face is impassive, reminding of the cold man Merlin and he first encountered in the iced desert of Ismere, yet his visage is more pallid than he has ever seen it. Arthur gets curiouser and a little bit wary.

Gwaine looks from Leon to Arthur to Mordred. 'If it's about your alliance with Morgana, mate, you know better than to fret. The Princess already forgave you. For _everything_ than you may have done for her.'

The word 'everything' makes him tense. Arthur forces himself to relax before Mordred can notice. The man already looks about ready to burst from anxiety, he does not need to get any worse. Furthermore, Gwaine is right. Arthur forgave all of Mordred's past actions when he turned his back on Morgana and saved his life. Whatever deed Arthur must witness today will not erase that.

He opens his mouth to say so to the younger man and relieve him of all tension but Mordred cuts in before he can.

'It is not about Morgana.' 

Arthur can see his knights becoming as intrigued as he feels. 'Then what is it about?'

Mordred pinches his lower lip. 'Just.' He stops to take a profound exhale. 'Just promise me you will hear me out before doing anything harsh.'

Arthur tilts his head to the side. 'The fact that you feel compelled to ask me that does nothing to reassure me, _Sir_ Mordred. Let alone giving me the will to comply.'

Mordred's green eyes finally stop escaping his. Arthur is astonished to find them wet with tears. 'Please just. Promise. And I promise not to ask anything of you ever again.'

Arthur is left speechless by the demand and can do nothing but give a curt nod before the walls start glowing again and blind them for Mordred's secret.

*

The light rapidly fades to pitch black darkness. It surprises Arthur as until now even when a memory was happening at night, a pale light would be produced to let them see the memory and the people it fed off. 

'You have seen what Emrys has done,' they hear a female voice hissing in the dark. 

'It does not mean anything,' a male voice replies in a hush.

Arthur tries with all his might to catch a glimpse of the two speakers, but the darkness that is envelopping them is too thick. It unnerves him. 'Does any of you see anything?,' he whispers. He does not know why he is whispering as well, only feels that he _should_.

'No, sir,' one of them replies in a faint voice.

He hears other voices replying the same answer in weak voices. He figures that his companions must feel it too. That need to keep quiet because something ominous is going to happen.

Or, in this case, _already did_.

'Emrys,' the female voice continues in what Arthur can only describe as reverent, 'was here. You felt it.'

'Aye. There was no mistaking it. His magic shone the brightest.' Arthur feels his hearbeats go quicker at the words. 'It was almost like...'

'...like his soul was there for all to see,' a third voice adds. 

' **Yes** ,' the first two cry in unison.

'And what a beautiful soul,' the third voice reflects wistfully. 'I have never encountered someone like him.' 

'We should have expected nothing less of Emrys,' the male speaker deflects. 

'Which is why Mordred can not stay with us,' the first voice harsly puts in.

Arthur hears numerous sounds of outrage from his knights, all voicing his own inner upset. Why would Mordred be cast away for some man, some magic user, by those people who for all intents and purposes are/were -tenses are becoming difficult, Arthur can already feel a migraine coming- hosting Mordred?

One of the mysterious people that the cave stubbornly won't let them see- and look at that, Arthur must really be going barmy if he is starting to personify a magical cave and giving it goddamn _feelings_ \- swears loudly. 

'Mordred is just a child, Anya,' the male voice admonishes.

His statement leaves Arthur cold. **Gods**. He dearly hopes those people have not abandonned a child Mordred to grow up alone only because some obscure magical man they had barely met told them to.

'Emrys would not want that,' the third voice argues with the male one against this Anya person. 'Emrys is the purest, kindest being there is. He is our savior, our guiding light in those dark times. He would **not** want us to abandon a child.'

Thank gods. Someone with sense. Whoever those people are, Arthur finds that he definitely wants to shake hands with two of them and have a violent go at the third one, no matter that this Anya is a woman and Arthur having a 'go' at her would be highly improper.

' _Emrys_ is afraid of Mordred,' Anya retorts with insistence, as if the name holds an extraordinaire weight.

Arthur bitterly figures it must if it causes those people to talk about child abandonnement.

'Emrys has no reason to be afraid of Mordred,' she pursues, 'except if Mordred poses a threat to him.'

'That is ridiculous,' the male voice -and here is where Arthur gets frustrated for whole other reasons than being trapped in a cave with his knights and forced to witness his knights's more inner secrets. Arthur **needs** to put names and faces to people who are speaking, even if he can not talk back to them!- spits. 'Emrys is the most powerful magic user there is.'

'Past, present and future,' the third voice finishes for him.

'...More than Morgana?,' Arthur asks in a bland voice.

The prospect is _atrocious_ , to say the least. A magic user being forever considered as the most powerful one? More than Morgana, more than Morgause, more than Cornelius Sigan? Arthur is not sure that Elyan's earlier assurances that magic users _can be_ _good_ are going to be enough to calm him from the panic he can already feel growing inside of him.

'Exactly,' Anya says with triumph. 'And he is said to have knowledge of the future.'

'He is also said to hold power over Life and Death,' her male counterpart scoffs. 'And yet I am not certain to believe in that nonsense.'

'Did not we just agree that Emrys is the most powerful magic user there ever was?!,' Anya replies in anger.

'He is,' the third voice calmly puts in. It sounds to Arthur that they are trying to mollify this Anya. 'But he is also young. To young to hold all his powers yet. He will grow into them.'

'How old is this Emrys?,' he hears Percival demand quietly from behind him.

No doubt his knight who used to be a _father -_ and Arthur does not think he will ever get over that fact- must be getting as thunderous as they (more, even), listening to a trio of people talking about a child and a young man (not an adult yet? _an older child_?!) and heaping mountless responsabilities on them.

Forget what Arthur was thinking earlier. Those people are mad. The whole lot of them.

'Mordred is younger,' the man voices quietly.

Someone, Anya he guesses, growls in aggravation. 'I know that, Corin. That is exactly the point I am trying to make. Emrys knows the future, or at least can see bits of it. And he is afraid of Mordred. It is a simple calcul to make. Emrys is afraid of the threat Mordred could pose in the future.'

You could let a pin drop and Arthur thinks you could easily hear it crash to the ground in the ensuing silence.

'You can not ask us to leave Mordred behind because of a _supposition_.'

'I am certain of what I advance, Corin.'

'Even if you are, hell, even if it's true, we can not do that. It goes against every druid's vow.'

'Then I guess you have to make a choice. What matters more to you: your vow or our survival? Because Emrys was born to save magic, to save us. And he won't be able to if obstacles stand in his way.'

'Obstacles,' Corin repeats and it is easy to hear the disbelief behind this lone word.

'Yes. We can not see Mordred as a child, nor as someone of our tribe anymore. Not when he poses a direct threat to us. To Emrys. So I repeat, what is more important to you: **your vow or our survival**?'

Someone exhales and the sound is so close to him that Arthur startles, sure that said someone must have been standing just next to him. He is astonished to find nothing. He is even more surprised to discover that all his knights have reacted the same way as he and are now looking around them in wariness. All except Mordred. Arthur frowns and turns back to look at the cave's walls. He is surprised to find a small figure hidden by a hood and a cape making its way across a campement towards a tent.

 _Oh_ , thinks. Of course Mordred had been listening in.

Arthur feels his heart tear for his knight, both for having heard that conversation as a child and for being forced to listen to it a _second_ time. 

*

Those damn walls brigthen, blinding them with what Arthur considers joyful spite, until the light fades and they are free to see again.

'This is not what I was expecting,' Mordred is speaking before any of them can say anything. 

His knight is not crying anymore nor looking at him with a hint of despair. In fact, observing him silently, Arthur would even go as far as saying that Mordred looks _relieved_. 

Why would Mordred be relieved after witnessing his old guardians talking about abandonning him for the second time in his life?!

'Who is this Emrys?,' Percival is asking before Arthur can put his foot in his mouth and bother Mordred with bothersome questions.

Mordred turns to placidly study the older knight. Then a corner of his lips twitch until it turns into a shaky smirk, which rapidly dissolves into a grin, which deepens into a blinding smile.

Arthur is stunned by the sight. He does not think he has ever seen Mordred look so _happy_ before. That it is related to this Emrys figure upsets him.

'Emrys is the kindest man there is to know. He is pure hearted, and compassionate and brave. He always goes out of his way to help anyone in need.' Mordred goes silent, his eyes looking a bit glassy. 'Always.'

Gwaine snorts. 'Yes, well this 'pure soul' is the reason you were given up. So I think you should stop from singing his wonderful qualities and start looking up at better persons.'

His words seem to shake Mordred from his trance. 'Like who?' he questions, apparently not taking Gwaine seriously if the amused glint in his eyes is anything to go by.

Gwaine looks at each of them and grimaces playfully. Then his eyes go wide and cheerful. 'Like Merlin.' Mordred stills. 'Merlin is exactly the type of person who should inspire you. He is a good lad, always helping anyone whether they're asking for help or not, kind and has the biggest heart I have ever seen.' By the end of his speech, Gwaine is nodding forcefully, as if beguiling Mordred to listen to his every words.

Mordred is left blinking at him, a bemused smile on his face.

From where he stands, Arthur is not sure how to feel. Seeing Mordred fall into praises the way those three unseen people did for a powerful man ( _too_ powerful, his mind warily insists), the way people praise their King has left him bereft.

 _Not a King_ , his mind supplies as he reflects on what the cave displayed. _Their **savior**_.

Arthur narrows his eyes in thought. 

*

'I will take that into account,' little bean responds.

'Mordred,' the Princess abruptly says, already cutting in the comfortable atmosphere Gwaine has just managed to install after Mordred's discourse.

Gwaine levels his eyes skyward. _Of course he does. Blasted King_.

'What it is you wanted to say earlier?,' the Princess is asking, more sharp than he should be considering what they just learned. 'Before the cave's revelation?'

It is a small thing. So small an untrained eye would miss it. Yet, Gwaine is a keen observer and does not miss it: Mordred flinches at the question.

Gwaine feels trepid and glances at Arthur. The King is studying Mordred as a predator would his prey before pouncing on them. Gwaine clenches his jaw, rolls his shoulders and prepares for whatever might happen next.

Mordred gives a bashful grin. 'It's just.' He stops, his eyes going from Arthur to the faintly glimmering walls. 'I thought the cave would reveal something else.'

'Got other soul shaking secrets, Mordred?,' Gwaine teases.

This time, Mordred can not hide the way his body shudders. He avoids their gaze.

Gwaine shakes his head and approaches his fellow knight. He is careful to keep Arthur in his peripheral vision, and just as careful not to approach Mordred too rapidly lest he sends him in a scurry. Though where he'd go if he were to broke into a run is the question. Gwaine pats him lightly on the shoulder and grins at him. 'It is alright if you've got more secrets. No one is asking you to reveal them if you don't want to.'

He watches from the corner of his eyes as the dig hits Arthur and leaves him reeling. 

Mordred bites his lower lip and glances at the walls. 

_Ah. Yes_. 'I think that one secret per person is enough for the soul-sucking monster. No need to fret any longer.'

He fully turns towards Arthur, hoping to divert his and everyone else's attention from the nervous figure of little bean. 'Actually, I think it is now time for us to discover our King's dear secret,' he adds with a smirk.

Predictably, Leon groans. 'Gwaine, you should not be delighted about this.'

Arthur does not look disturbed by his announcement. 'It is alright. I have nothing to hide.'

Gwaine feels Mordred getting tense next to him. He figures little bean is feeling the same nervousness as he. 'I would not be so sure about that,' he murmurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *I love Merlin to bits but you know how the saying goes: actions have consequences.  
> The druids questionning themselves about the reason why their prophetic savior would attempt to kill one of their children is one of them.  
> The druids deciding to abandon Mordred in the nearest town is on their own though. Like, no one asked them to do that.  
> You can guess what happens next: Mordred being recruited by a peculiar group of hunters and being taught peculiar skills until he finds a particular group of scavengers and stumbles on Merlin and Arthur.
> 
> *Mordred does not hold Merlin responsible for what happened. While he does not understand why his Lord attempted to kill him (he'll forever asks himself if it was because he had brought Alvarr's lot to Camelot and a vulnerable Morgana) he is aware that Merlin did not know about the druids' finale decisions and holds them responsible, not him.  
> But yeah. Actions have consequences.
> 
> *The scene is plunge in the dark because child-Mordred was listening to it from under his hood with his eyes closed.
> 
> *Arthur and the knights know of Mordred's past as a druid but not that he ''used'' to have magic.


	6. Arthur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that you have all been waiting for this and here it finally comes: Arthur's part :)

Arthur lets his newly found suspicions about Mordred -just because he used to be a druid and still admires this Emrys figure does not mean he also has magic, it does not!- go after observing the way Gwaine takes a protective stance around him.

He can still come back to it once he is safely back in Camelot with his wife and Merlin.

 _Merlin_. Once again, Arthur thinks back on his friend. Because, while it is true that Arthur does not have life shattering secrets the way each of his knights apparently do, he still holds some and Merlin knows them all. Arthur is not sure he wants to see them displayed on some magical cave's walls for all to see without Merlin by his side.

 _Don't have much of a choice_.

Arthur turns from his knights to face the cave's walls and throws his shoulders back, readying himself for whatever that cave decides to show them.

Will it be the guilt he feels about not having been a better son? Or a better brother? His never ending love for Morgana even when he knows there is no hope left for her? Or will it tell about his uncertainties at being a good king to his people? 

The doubts he once had concerning the evilness of magic?

Or will it finally give him the reason why everyone he cares about always ends up betraying him? 

It is none of those.

*

The walls gleam brightly before the light fades and reveals a chamber and two ladies his age sitting inside it. One has hair as dark as a night sky, the other as blond as corn and yet, sitting next to each other, with their pale skin and bright blue eyes, some could mistake them for sisters.

Arthur knows this to be false. He never had an aunt.

'I do not know what to do anymore,' the blond lady, **_his mother_** , is confiding with despair. 'I have tried everything and yet.'

Arthur feels the air is getting rare.

 **How dare they?!** Conjuring his mother's image and playing him like it is a game? It is an affront, that's what is.

Arthur breathes in the sight of her: the high noble forehead, the lovely shape of her eyes, their hue the exact same as his, the small pointed nose, the naturally pink lips. 

She looks more lovelier that Arthur has ever seen her. But Arthur never saw his mother before. What he had seen years ago was a ghost the sorceress Morgause had conjured to turn him against his father. This? This is... 

_A ploy_ , his mind hisses. 

**The truth**.

This must be the truth, everything else that was shown this day had been the absolute crushing truth.

This vision of loveliness really is (was) his mother.

And she is (was) upset.

The dark lady at her side is starring at her with keen eyes and frowny lips. Arthur does not remember her as a member of the Court and yet, she reminds him of someone. He wonders who she must have been (who she must be? Is she still alive? She could be. And if so could Arthur be able to find her and talk with her about his mother?) because it is obvious she must have been dear to the Queen as she does not hesitate in taking her hands in hers to comfort her and does not get rebuffed for her actions.

'What is the King saying,' she demands, her eyes still fixed on his mother's figure.

Arthur's mother trembles. 'The King,' she says and is that a hint of disgust that he hears in her voice?, 'does not care for a child. He only wants an heir for his kingdom.'

His heart clenches. _Yes, I know the feeling_. Because no matter what Uther would sometimes say, Arthur always felt that he was more a successor to the throne that a son to Uther.

Being a child of Uther, and a cherished one at that, all fell to Morgana.

Her companion gets closer to her until no space is left between them.

Arthur suddenly feels uncomfortable looking at the two of them.

'Ygraine,' the woman purrs and damn if that beloved name does not send his heart soaring as well as gaining gasps from his knights. 'What do **you** want.' 

Ygraine Pendragon, late Queen of Camelot, levels her head from the study of her and her companion's twined hands and stares back at her with the fiercest eyes Arthur has even seen. (And Arthur has grown up with Morgana.)

She opens her mouth and announces: ' **I want a child.** '

*

A younger Uther Pendragon (and is not it a shock to see his father again after all these years?) enters a room that seems to serve half as a study and half as a healers' chambers.

The same dark haired woman that was holding his mother is sitting in a chair inside of it, dozens of opened books lying in front of her on a table.

'Nimueh,' Uther calls as he approches her.

Arthur frowns. _Nimueh?_ , he mouths soundlessly. Where did he hear this name before?!

'Your Majesty,' the lady acknowledges him without taking her eyes from her books.

Uther does not take offence of her action. He starts pacing, a heavy frown on his face. 'Everyone has been pestering me about the heir who, as you must have noticed, fails to appear.'

Nimueh stills. Arthur sees her briefly narrowing her eyes before she exhales and rises her head to look blankly at the King.

'Oh.'

'Yes,' the king sneers. 'The nobles are getting agitated. "A king without an heir is a danger to the kingdom, they say. What will happen if we lose you, my lord?",' he mocks. 'I'll tell you what will happen: they'll stop playing sycophants and jump on the chance to take the throne for themselves and their descendants.'

'Those things take time, your Majesty,' Nimueh replies flatly.

Arthur can not help but remark on the different ways she's taken on treating the two monarchs: Yrgaine with obvious affection (and, dares he say it, love?) and Uther with distance and annoyance.

'I do not have time,' Uther responds. 'I need an heir and I need one right now.'

Nimueh visibly braces herself. 'And what does the Queen say?'

Uther stops his pacing. 'The Queen understands and wants an heir just as much as I.' His father turns to face her and places his hands on his hips in a way Arthur knows well means: _I have settled on a decision and I will not budge._ 'I have learned of a ritual.'

Arthur's throat gets dry. 

Nimueh raises an eyebrow. 'A ritual?,' she repeats with skepticism.

Uther's presses his lips and gives a curt nod. 'To have a child.'

No. Not again. Arthur has already learned of this subterfuge and refuses to witness it again. He knows the truth and the truth is that his father did not use magic to... To get his mother pregnant with him. 

It is not.

Nimueh stares at the King impassively. Uther, in a manner that Arthur does not recognise from the father he knew, gets fidgety under the weight of her gaze.

'It is true that magic can give an infertile couple a child.' 

Uther winces at the word 'infertile.' Arthur bitterly thinks that _of course he would_. Arthur would not know with certitude, but he would guess that Morgana had already been born at the time and that the fervent need Uther had to have a child had more to do with his unability to claim her as his than with the nobles pressuring him to have an heir.

'Magic can do anything,' Nimueh continues. 'But. Magic has a price. And the kind of ritual you are thinking about requires a hefty one.'

Uther waves a careless hand in the air, discarting her concern. 'I can pay it.'

'Not in money but in blood,' she warns. 'For a life to be given, another must be taken.'

Uther shakes his head. 'Take any life you desire. As long as a male heir is born, the rest does not matter.'

*

 **Magic** , his mind rages. **His father used magic**. 

And Arthur would like nothing more than to deny it because his father claimed magic to be evil and condemned anyone suspected of using it dead **but.** It would make sense, would not it?

*

From there on, Arthur can only look numbly as the sickening truth is played before his eyes.

*

Ygraine looks radiant at five to six months pregnant. 

The Queen is throwing her hands excitedly in the air and telling Nimueh that: 'Vivienne's child is beautiful. Have you seen her yet, dear? Little Morgana is the sweetest and she has lovely green eyes. Did you know that Vivienne and I used to talk about raising our children together? It was not possible when young Morgause was born, of course, but now. Morgana and my child will grow together. Oh! Would not it be wonderful if I have a boy? This way sweet Morgana and he could marry and give Vivienne and I grandchildren?,' she giggles. 'You know we used to talk about it when we were little girls ourselves.'

Nimueh does not respond. She keeps on looking at Ygraine's womb warily (with worry).

*

Ygraine lies in a bed, an infant in her arms, and Arthur knows _he knows_ that this baby is him and that this is the last time he will get to see his mother.

He stares at her unashamedly and curses his father for everything he did, every lies he told and all that he took from Arthur.

Except that Arthur would not be alive if he had not done any of that, would he?

All that guilt Arthur lived with was not misplaced. Arthur really stole his mother's life.

'Arthur,' he hears.

Arthur breathes harshly and looks at her through the tears that are gathering in his eyes.

'I want him to be named Arthur,' she announces, her breath getting short but her eyes never straying from her child. 

'I love you more than life,' she whispers just for him.

Arthur sobs.

*

'You,' Uther Pendragon is raging, pointing an accusing finger Nimueh's way. 'You.'

For once, Nimueh does not wear an impassive mask but a cracked one. And tears are leaking from it. 'This is not my doing,' she snarls. 'It is yours, Uther Pendragon.'

Uther growls and closes on Nimueh. He grasps her arms and starts shaking her, yelling: 'I never wanted my wife to die!'

Left in his grasp, Nimueh's body shakes like a wireless puppet. Yet, the lady -the sorceress- does not make a move to disengage herself from his arms. Instead, she starts laughing maniacally. 'Do not blame me, Uther Pendragon. I warned you there was a price to pay. And you agreed to pay it in full. You are the sole responsible for this. You wished for a child, an heir to your precious throne, no matter what the cost. And now you have it. Live with it.'

*

'Magic is the reason your beloved Queen is dead,' Uther Pendragon is claiming from his place on the balcony overlooking the courtyard. 'From there on, I declare Magic illegal in my Kindgom. Anyone caught practicing that most heinous crime will be found guilty and executed.'

*

Elyan honestly has no word for this.

His mind keeps on going from these revelations to his mother to Uther Pendragon's raging to his mother and circling round and round until he feels the urge to vomit.

He feels Leon's steady hand back on his left shoulder and raises his head to meet his gaze. His old friend looks as pale and disturbed as Elyan imagines he looks.

Elyan guesses his friend must feels as sick as him. After all, even if there was not Morgana and her hatred for everything Uther-related to take into account (and yes, Elyan might be starting to understand where her hatred stems from) there is also the fact that Leon has been a knight for longer than any of them and started under Uther's firm hand.

Or course Leon would be sick. He must have done terrible things in the name of 'duty'. Just like Elyan thought it fair to reject his mother and her beliefs because it (she) was dangerous and magic was against the law.

Elyan is this close to lose it.

And then those damn walls brighten again and he swears if it is another round of secrets revealed, he is going to attack someone.

*

Gwaine feels little bean tense next to him when they see Merlin appear. He thinks for a second that his friend has somehow found a way to join in their merriment until he notices that Merlin is surrounded by his affairs in Gaius' chambers. 

He understands too easily why Mordred is tensed.

Because Merlin always knows things he should not and Gwaine does not doubt that he must have known about this as well.

_Shit, Merlin. You never do anything by half, do you?_

It seems that no, his friend does not, because the first thing young-was-his-friend-one-day-this-scrawny?-Merlin says is: 'Arthur was born of magic.'

 _Fuck_ , he thinks closing his eyes in resignation.

'Wasn't he? Uther used magic.'

Gwaine opens his eyes and fixes them on the chanceling figure of Arthur.

'Merlin...,' he hears a worried Gaius call.

But Merlin does not stop and his words resonate more loudly than anyone's had before: 'All those people he's executed... He's as guilty as they are. He sacrificed Arthur's mother! He as good as murdered her!' 

Arthur's figure shakes more violently and Gwaine should definitely get closer to his friend and -do what? What young Merlin is saying is nothing but the truth. 

'People should know the truth about what he's done. How could you not tell me?'

 _Mate. How could_ you _not tell Arthur?_

'I feared what Arthur would do if he ever found out,' Gaius replies. 

Gwaine winces. Yes, he can guess all too well how Arthur would have reacted.

'Oh, he's found out now,' young Merlin comments with a snort.

Indeed, he has.

*

Merlin knows.

It is all that Arthur can hear after seeing a younger version of his friend getting angry at his guardian. 

Merlin knows.

 **Merlin knows**.

And Arthur wants to laugh because of course Merlin knows. Arthur might joke about him not being the sharpest knife in existence but the truth is that Merlin is too smart for his own good. Merlin knows languages Arthur has only heard of, Merlin knows words Arthur does not know the definition, Merlin writes better speeches than he does, Merlin knows how to differentiate gossip from reality and how to use the rumors to their advantage, Merlin notices things Arthur would prefer he does not.

Merlin knows and has not bothered to tell Arthur.

Huh. As if Arthur could take any more blow today (he can't) now he learns that his best friend, practically his brother, knows about what happened to his mother and magic and has known for years.

Worst, he took Arthur's right for revenge away from him. And for what?

 _Yes, for what?_ , his mind hisses. 

Arthur's mind is no longer overtaken by Merlin's betrayal nor his father's. It is in overdrive and taking everything Merlin has done and said over the years and studying it painstakingly because Merlin must have had a reason. Merlin could not have hidden the truth without a good reason, not after all he has done for Arthur, that he - **has to-** can believe. What could that reason be? 

'I guess you'll just have to ask Merlin when we see him, Arthur,' he hears Gwaine voice in his back.

Arthur startles. Somehow he had completely forgotten he was not alone in this blasted cave. He takes a few seconds to compose himself, as well as erasing the traces of tears on his face, before turning and facing them with the blankest mask he could put on short notice.

Gwaine does not pretend to be fooled. Mordred, who has regained glassy eyes while Arthur had his back turned, looks smaller at his side than he ever had. Percival has is arms crossed and a pensive frown on. Leon is looking sick. Elyan.

Gods. Elyan. 

_You hated your mother for no reason other than my father's greed and refusal to shoulder on his own guilt_.

How could he look Elyan in the eyes ever again? 

How could he stare at _Guenevere_ 's loving ones?

'All of our secrets have been revealed,' Gwaine continues. 'We'll be allowed to leave soon and ask questions.' He crosses his arms and study Arthur warily. 'All I ask is that you let Merlin the chance to respond.'

Arthur blinks.

Then he blinks again.

And again.

Gwaines clenches his jaw and glares.

And then his meaning hits Arthur like a tone of bricks. 

'I'm not going to attack him!,' he yells. 

Gwaines narrows his eyes.

Arthur bites his tongue until he can feel blood pouring in his mouth. 

'I'm not,' he grinces. 'I know that Merlin must have goddamn reasons for having kept the secret and I am impatient to hear them. Merlin is my friend, Gwaine. I would never hurt him.'

Next to Gwaine, Mordred deflates.

Arthur blinks at him in astonishement.

Did everyone think he'd have a go at Merlin? Arthur may like to throw things for play around but he is not a violent person and certainly not some mindless beast. Merlin is his closest friend. Of course he won't attack him.

Not physically at least. Because if Merlin's reason is not enough to calm his nerves (read: soothe the wound left by the man's silence and betrayal) then Arthur will attack him verbally. And he dearly hopes it does not come to that because Arthur knows how the wounds left by cutting words hurt more deeply than physical ones and take longer to recover from.

Arthur shakes his head. _Stay calm_ , he reminds himself. He inhales, exhales and prepares for a path to open and lead them away from the cave. Back to Merlin.

He waits for longer that he would have thought.

Because the cave stays closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *remember what the sorcerer said: "what you have hidden or what HAS BEEN HIDDEN FROM YOU will be uncovered" :)  
> (cue me laughing maniacally ;)
> 
> *I imagine Ygraine to be quite younger (around thirty) than canon showed her because series/movies often show 'young parents' or people belonging to the past not young at all which makes no sense to me. It's why I imagine that Nimueh and Ygraine looked to be the same age.  
> (Nimueh never seemes to age but then she was a High Priestess, I figure that Morgana would have stayed young as well if Merlin had not killed her.)
> 
> *Nimueh and Ygraine were close to each other (like super close). Whether it means they were only best friends or held feelings for each other is up to you.
> 
> *No, my Nimueh never held Uther is high regard. 
> 
> *I did not specify here but, yes, Ygraine knew of the ritual and the price it demanded. Like Uther she did not know it would cost her her life but she supported the blood price. The 'difference' is that she did not care about an heir, that always sounded more like a commodity in Uther's mouth, but a child she could love and cherish.
> 
> *Yes, the couple that Uther and Ygraine formed was not always a happy one. While Ygraine did not know of her husband's adventure with her childhood friend Vivienne, she suspected he had affairs. And in the later years of their marriage, Uther would mainly speak about having an heir instead of caring for her the way he used to at the start of their marrige.  
> So, she is bitter and does not hide it from her friend Nimueh.
> 
> *Nimueh did not decide who'd be taken for the sacrifice, Magic did.  
> >if she could have chosen, she would have settled on Uther. 
> 
> (I don't even think that she chose who would be taken in S1 for Arthur's survival. From my pov, she made the ritual but Magic was always the one to decide who would be the perfect sacrifice.) 
> 
> *No, the secrets revealed are not over yet :)

**Author's Note:**

> song that inspire me for this work: 'honest' - the neighbourhood:
> 
> i hope you find a way  
> to be yourself someday  
> in weakness or in strength  
> change can be amazing.  
> so i pray for the best  
> i pray for the best for you  
> *i wish you could be honest with me*


End file.
